1126: Holiday Stress After Breast Cancer: Tired of Being the One Who Does It All?

The holidays are coming.

And I wonder if you've already started making the lists.

Who's coming for Thanksgiving? What are we doing for Christmas or Hanukkah? Have I bought enough gifts? What are we eating? When am I going to find time to get everything done?

And somewhere in the middle of all that, there's you.

Already tired. Already juggling more than most people realize.

But still determined to make the holidays special for everyone else.

Sound familiar?

When you're the one who makes the holidays happen

Maybe you're the one who remembers everyone's favorite dishes, buys the thoughtful gifts, keeps the traditions going, and makes sure nobody feels left out.

And you love doing those things.

Well, most of them. Let's not get carried away. 😉

But somewhere along the way, being the person who makes everything happen can become part of who you are.

I know, because I used to be that woman.

Years ago, long before my breast cancer diagnosis, I hosted an annual Christmas Eve open house for around 100 people.

Yes. ONE HUNDRED!

I cooked everything from scratch, made sure everyone had a wonderful time, cleaned up afterward, and then got up on Christmas Day to prepare a full traditional English Christmas dinner. (Very similar to a US Thanksgiving dinner with Turkey and all the trimmings!)

While my now ex-husband was relaxing and the kids were playing with their new toys, guess where I was?

Yep. In the kitchen.

And for years, I thought that's just what you did when you loved your family. Until my divorce changed things.

That Christmas, I asked my children what they actually wanted for dinner.

Their answer? Chicken nuggets, mozzarella sticks, and a picnic.

I mean, seriously?! 😂

And you know what I felt?

Relief. But not just because I wouldn't have to spend another Christmas Day in the kitchen.

I felt like they'd given me permission.

Permission to do things differently. Permission to let go of the elaborate meal and all the work that came with it.

And the funny thing is, I hadn't even realized how badly I needed that permission.

Because it turned out we ALL wanted the same thing.

To spend Christmas together. To relax, laugh, and actually enjoy the day.

All those years, I'd been working so hard to create something special for them, when what they really wanted was time with me.

And what I really wanted was time with them.

But who are you if you're no longer the one who does it all?

Here's the part we don't talk about enough.

When you've spent years being the dependable one, the capable one, the one who makes everything happen, doing less isn't always as simple as taking a few things off your to-do list.

Because it's not just what you do.

It's who you've come to believe you are.

And after breast cancer, that can feel especially complicated.

Your body may have changed. Your energy might not be what it used to be. You may already be trying to figure out who you are after everything you've been through.

So perhaps you hold even more tightly to the parts of yourself that still feel familiar.

• The one who takes care of everyone.
• The one who doesn't disappoint people.
• The one who says, "No, I've got it."

Even when you're absolutely exhausted.

You're tired of being the one who does it all.
But who are you if you're no longer that person?

That's a much bigger question than who's cooking Christmas dinner.

And breast cancer adds a whole other layer

Because you're not just thinking about what to serve for Christmas dinner.

You might also be wondering whether you should be eating it.

Is that glass of wine okay? Should I skip dessert? Am I making the right choices for my health?

Then there are the family gatherings.

The questions about how you're doing. The well-meaning advice you didn't ask for. The people who assume everything's back to normal because treatment is over and your hair is growing back. Feeling like your breasts are constantly being stared at with side-ways glances.

Maybe you're wondering how to answer without getting into a conversation you don't have the energy for.

Or worrying that someone will notice you're not quite the person you used to be.

And all of this is happening while you're still trying to make sure everyone else has a wonderful holiday.

No wonder you're exhausted.

It's not just what's on your holiday to-do list.

It's everything you're carrying that nobody else can see.

Sometimes the heaviest part isn't even on your to-do list

In my Lighten the LOAD™ classes, we talk about the invisible things we're carrying.

Not just the shopping, cooking, decorating, and organizing, but the expectations, worries, and responsibilities running through our heads.

Things like:

• "If I don't do it, who will?"
• "It's easier if I just do it myself."
• "I don't want anyone to be disappointed."
• "But this is how we've always done it."

And suddenly, the holidays aren't just about everything that needs doing.

They're about everything we believe we're supposed to do.

One of the biggest distinctions we explore is the difference between caring and carrying.

Because you can care deeply about your family without being responsible for every single detail of their happiness.

And I know that can be uncomfortable.

In one of our Lighten the LOAD™ classes, a woman found a wonderful way to give herself permission not to deal with everything immediately.

She told one of those worries:

"You're on the bookcase for now."

Not ignoring it. Not pretending it didn't matter.

Just recognizing that she didn't have to carry it every minute of every day.

And I wonder what might happen if you gave yourself permission to put down just one piece of your holiday load.

Or perhaps even asked yourself:

"Whose permission am I waiting for to do things differently this holiday season?"

What if you could still be you, without doing it all?

I'm not suggesting you cancel Christmas dinner, abandon your traditions, or tell everyone they're on their own.

Because I know that's not what you want.

• You want to make memories.
• You want to see the people you love enjoying themselves.
• You want to feel like you again.

But maybe you'd also like to sit at the table long enough to hear the whole story.

Laugh at the joke instead of hearing it from the kitchen.

Eat your dinner while it's still hot.

And go to bed feeling happy about the day, rather than completely wrung out by it and needing three days to recover.

What if you could put down some of the holiday load without putting down the parts of yourself you love?

What if you could still be the thoughtful, caring, generous woman you've always been, without having to be responsible for absolutely everything?

Because you deserve to be part of the memories you're working so hard to create.

Let's Lighten the Holiday Load together

My friend and fellow cancer survivor, Kathy Washburn, and I are coming together for a special 90-minute interactive workshop called Lighten the Holiday Load.

And no, we're not going to give you another holiday checklist. Goodness knows you've got enough of those!

Instead, we'll help you recognize some of the invisible pressure you've been carrying, understand why doing things differently can feel so uncomfortable, and begin finding a way to put something down.

Especially when that familiar "No, I've got it" is already on the tip of your tongue.

We've both experienced how life can change after cancer, and we know that caring for yourself doesn't always come naturally when you're used to caring for everyone else.

We'd love to help you make room for a holiday you actually get to enjoy.

Join us for Lighten the Holiday Load $37 →

Because maybe this year, the people you love don't need you to make the holidays quite so perfect.

Maybe they'd just like a little more time with you.

And maybe you'd like that too.

With love,

Karin 💕