How many times have you either set New Year's resolutions or goals only to reach the middle of February and you've already thrown in the towel?
I want you to know one crucial thing here. This is not your fault! In this episode, I'm going to be asking you to think outside of the box a little bit and learn some different ways that you can actually set these goals that could absolutely be the answer to crushing them and getting exactly what you want at a life.
Over the next three episodes, I'm going to be talking about these different ways that you can set goals. And the key here, as with everything else in your life, is setting them according to who you are authentically…to what actually feels good. So, if you're setting a goal and it starts to make you feel really stressed out and your stomach's has butterflies. This can be an indication that either the goals are not right for you or the way you're setting the goal isn't right for you.
What I mean by that is going to become clear over the next three episodes. I hope that you stop by and you listen to it because this is really the key to setting and crushing your goals. What I’ve seen over the past 16 years of working in the health and wellness industry, is that it is absolutely soul destroying when you set, more often than not, the same goal over and over each year. (One of the most common ones that I see is weight loss). Does this sound familiar? This is the year I'm going to lose those 10 pounds or this is the year that I'm going to learn this new skill or this is the year that I'm going to find my knight in shining armor. Whatever it is.
Think about how you're going about it, because obviously if you're setting the same goal year after year after year, something's wrong.
And it's not you. It's how you're setting the goal. It’s going to become clear and it's going to make more sense as you join me and listen to the next couple of episodes and I'm going to try and keep them really short and sweet for you.
Today I want to talk about how you feel when you set those goals and they don't end up being fulfilled, more often than not. How does it make you feel? Guilt, shame, feeling like you're a failure and like you're not good enough. And again, it's not you. It's how society is telling you that you should do something (should being that judgment word). But it doesn't fit you, so it's not realistic. And that's why I say it's not you. You just haven't figured out the right way yet.
That's what I want this series to do, is to invite some new thoughts, some new ideas, get you excited about your goals again, not overwhelmed, not stressed, not anxious, but excited and looking forward to them and enough that it may she feel courageous and brave enough to step outside of your comfort zone, because as long as you stay inside that comfort zone, you're not going to achieve anything new. We have to do something different in order to get different results.
Just like Albert Einstein said, “the definition of insanity is repeating the same thing over and over, yet expecting a different outcome”.
With that being said, let's look at some ways that you can start to think about setting goals differently. And the thing that I want to talk about today is why not think about just setting a theme for the year?
If the year feels overwhelming, if I just said that and your heart started racing and you started getting those butterflies in your stomach, then guess what?
The year's too overwhelming for you. And that's okay. It doesn't make you a failure, doesn't make you not good enough, it just means… it's not right for you. So, simply step it back, does a week feel good? Sometimes, especially if you've been through a major illness like breast cancer or any other major illness or major trauma, looking at the year ahead is beyond daunting. So, look at a month, if a month doesn't work, if that still looks daunting, look at a week. If the week feels daunting, and yes, it can, then look at a day.
And look at what you want your theme to be for the day. Look at what you want your intent to be for that day.
Let’s look at some ideas of how you might theme that timeframe. Whatever it is, and there is no right or wrong. You've got to do what feels right to you. And that's the absolute key. And the theme that you will see throughout all of these episodes is it's about doing what's right for you, nobody else is you, nobody else can figure out what you want. Check out these themes…
A Year of Creativity
That's one of those things that so often we forget that we enjoy.
Because I think it's one of those things that maybe we did as a kid, maybe we did through our teenage years, and then we kind of got caught up in life and work and responsibilities and perhaps children and whatever else came into your life kind of took away that creativity bug.
So even if it's coloring in an adult coloring book, which, by the way, is one of my things to do. I also love to do jigsaw puzzles, which I also consider to be creative. Setting that intent, that goal, keeps that thought present in the front of your mind where you're saying, how can I bring this in to my life? Is it sewing? Is it knitting? Is it crocheting? Is it embroidering? Is it drawing? Is it painting? Is it cross-stitch? Is it building something? Is it woodworking? Crafting in so many different ways? Scrapbooking?
There are a million different ideas for creativity and ways to be creative. What strikes a chord with you? Think about what you used to do that you absolutely loved doing, that you haven't done forever. And I guarantee you most if you're right now is saying, oh, my gosh, I haven't done that in forever and I used to really enjoy it. But we stop doing these things as time goes by.
If we're looking at making goals that bring us joy, that inspire us to live a happier, more peaceful, calm and life, we want to bring things in that make us feel good. So rather than saying what can I reduce and take away from my life, let's look at what can I bring in to it. That's going to make me feel good.
A Year of Yes
Those of you that are Shonda Rhimes fans, she is the creator of Grey's Anatomy, this is her story.
Realizing that she'd been feeling really stuck in her ways, it was brought to her attention by a relative, that whenever they invited her to do something fun, she declined.
She was busy with her TV schedule, with her work schedule. And so, she kept saying no to family members and friends who were important to her. And it was then that she realized that she was really closing herself off from opportunities and possibilities for joy and happiness, a connection, which is something I think we're missing so much in today's society. Connecting with other human beings.
This conversation sparked what she now calls her Year of Yes. And, she actually wrote a book on it, which obviously you can find over on Amazon.
But think about it. What are you saying no to? Why are you closing yourself off to good this year, month, week, day?
Would saying yes open up your heart? Would saying yes open up your mind? Would it bring joy? Would it inspire you? Would it make you feel good to start saying yes to things and not everything, but the right things? If you're invited to something and it brings you stress and anxiety, that's probably the thing not to say yes to. But if you're like, oh, yes, I want to go, then just say yes.
Don’t worry about if you have the right outfit or your hair is not good enough for you. Or perhaps you're just feeling old and tired. If you want to go, then say yes. Just think Shonda Rhimes did. Doesn't matter who we are in society. Sometimes we get so caught up in our own little bubble that we close ourselves off to connecting with other human beings. And I do think it's something that we're really missing in society today, especially with social media.
Year of Self-Care
Self-care does not mean being selfish. I actually like to reframe it and look at it as Self -Love. How am I going to love on myself this year? What am I going to do? Mind, body, spirit. Self-care doesn't necessarily mean getting a massage or a manicure and pedicure or going on vacation or a retreat. And yes, all of those things are fabulous. And I'm not saying no to them LOL, I'm embracing the year of yes when it comes to all of those. But it's not to say that those are practical or in the budget or a time .
So, think about how can you implement little bouts of self-care every single day that brings about this year of self-care, self-love, self-improvement.
I've had a number of clients who have come into my office and said “I feel like it just need to dedicate this year to me”. I think it is one of the most valuable gifts that you can give yourself. I think it's one of the most valuable goals that you can make for yourself, whether you're working with a coach or mentor like me or doing it on your own. Even if you’re doing it on your own, there are tons of free resources available, and for my breast cancer survivors, I invite you to hop over to my Facebook group, Healthy Living After Breast Cancer, where I share daily tips for self-care!
How many years, have you put yourself on the back burner? How many years have you taken care of everybody else and said, either I don't matter or I'm not good enough or I'm not worthy or the children matter more than I do, my job matters more than I do, the house matters more than I do, my significant other and so on and so forth. We can make a list a mile long. But I can tell you that when I decided because I used to be that person, and when I decided to say Karin you matter and what you want matters and how you feel matters.
That's when life really started to change for me.
Because what I realized is unless I'm taking care of me, I can't give to others the way that I want to. And that means that if you're a giver, if you want to do for others, it doesn't mean that you have to stop doing that. It just means that you have to prioritize refilling your tank so that you can keep giving. That's all. It's not one or the other. We can do both. We just have to learn how and that's the key.
I'd love for you to think about any other ways that you might want to theme your year. Share them with me. Send me an email. I'd love to hear from you at Karin.firstname.lastname@example.org
Don't forget to subscribe and review this episode (you can simply click on the links in the player above), to make sure that you get these other episodes in this series.