Finding Your Place: Turning Loneliness into True Belonging

Do you ever find yourself trying to fit in with your surroundings and the people around you?

It’s exhausting, isn’t it? And you may have noticed this feeling even more since going through breast cancer!

I remember the fatigue and loneliness like it was yesterday…because I lived this way for decades. Maybe you can relate?

• Being constantly teased in school because I was tall, skinny, and covered in acne…unlike my perfect height, clear-skinned, attractive friends.
• Being in a family where Mum, Dad, and my brother all smoked and drank and made fun of me because I didn’t. Walking out of the house and feeling so gross, even though I’d just showered, with the smell of smoke jammed into every pore in my skin, strand of my hair, and thread of my clothes.
• Being in my first marriage where I tried my very hardest to do everything I could to make my husband happy and feel like I fit in. But no matter what I did, I was walking on eggshells, stressing over everything I did or said, just hoping he’d be happy.
• Mum and Dad came over from the UK to visit one year and I was going to be doing a race in Central Park, New York…I was so excited that they’d get to see me in my element. As I excitedly shared the details of the race, hoping that they’d soak up my enthusiasm, only to hear, “Why on earth would we want to come and watch you run, Karin?” Crushed is the feeling that comes to mind.

When I look back, I can feel in my soul the seclusion I felt on a daily basis. That feeling of never really fitting in is painful…but I want you to know that there’s another way to live your life.

The Day I Realized There’s Another Way

The day I realized this wasn’t pretty! If anyone saw me, they would have given me a wide berth.

As I sat on an old weather-distressed log, overlooking the choppy water, always my place to reflect and feel connected, the uncontrollable tears came, and I couldn’t stop them. Pulling my hat and scarf around my face, my sunglasses masking my eyes, I was bent over sobbing…for what felt like hours. If people walking their dogs on the beach saw me, I didn’t care anymore.

My younger brother had just suddenly passed away, and the realization that I was the only one left hit me. Dad first, then Mum, and now Clive…all with no warning, within a five-year period. I was the only one from my Peacock (my maiden name) family unit.

The grief, the pain, the solitude was overwhelming. Perhaps you’re familiar with this feeling yourself?

I’ll never forget that day and how I felt. But also because it was the day that I was hit with the life-changing realization…

The Superpower of Not Fitting In

Through the tears and the breakdown came the clarity…that not fitting in is actually my superpower. You see, I never thought the same way as my family. I was teased and judged by them for my healthy choices and the way I wanted to live my life.

And I’m not saying this in a righteous or judgmental way at all. I’ve experienced a lot of grief and still continue to be in therapy to get the support I need to process my “stuff,” especially from childhood.

But I look at the world through different eyes than most. It’s part of what makes me who I am and a part that I love deeply now because it’s the part that is truly able to help you do the exact same thing. Hopefully without the ugly sobbing on the beach!

via GIPHY

Embracing Your True Self

Perhaps if you’re feeling like you don’t fit in, it means you’re simply trying to live according to everyone else’s expectations, the same way that I used to do. Often, it means breaking the cycle that your family has been in, understanding and giving grace that everybody has done the best they can with the tools they have.

I know my parents loved me. I know they wanted the best for me, and that often meant fulfilling dreams of their own that they never got to fulfill. That was their story, not mine.

In the same way that your story is yours.

Courage to Be Who You Are

What if …”You’re Not Crazy, You’re Just First”? ~ Jamie Kern Lima (Worthy)

Will you be the first one to have the courage to say, “I matter enough to be who I really am,” and live your life accordingly, so that you can experience what it feels like to truly belong?

According to the fabulous Brene Brown, true belonging doesn't require you to change who you are; it requires you to be who you are!

Feeling safe and at home in your body and mind comes from being who you really are, and that’s exactly what I guide you to do inside my 6-month group coaching program Thrivership School, with a proven roadmap.

Imagine experiencing an overwhelming sense of relief, as if you can finally exhale after holding your breath for so long. The tension in your body dissipates, leaving you feeling lighter than you ever thought possible.

Finding acceptance of who you really are (flaws and all) can profoundly impact your overall well-being, helping you move beyond survival and truly begin to thrive in your life, especially after breast cancer.

So, I invite you to ask yourself today…

If you feel like you don’t fit in, are you trying to live just making everyone else happy and don’t know who you really are and what you want yet?

And if this is resonating with you, then I think you’ll find this VIDEO supportive.