0326: You Made It Through…So Why Haven’t You Got the Energy to Live?

There’s something many women tell me once they realize they don’t have to be the strong one around me.

It doesn’t come out loudly.

It’s usually softer than that.

A quiet exhale.
A slight crack in the voice.
Sometimes tears they didn’t expect.

And then this:

“I appreciate I’ve made it through…
but I just haven’t got the energy to do the things I said I would.”

 

They almost apologize as they say it.

Because they survived.

They’re grateful.

They know it could have been worse.

And yet…

The walks haven’t happened.
The fresh start hasn’t quite started.
The motivation they thought would return just hasn’t.

And the gap between who they thought they’d be by now
and who they actually feel like?

It’s heavier than they expected.

“I Feel Like I Should Be Doing More”

Here’s what I hear again and again:

“I feel like I should be doing more… but I just can’t seem to get going.”

That word should carries so much weight.

 

Because underneath it is this belief:

I survived.
So I shouldn’t be struggling.

 

And now you’re not just tired.

You’re tired… and disappointed in yourself.

 

Many women describe it like this:

“It’s like I want to… but I just don’t.”

 

That’s not laziness.

That’s a nervous system (your fight, flight, freeze and fawn automatic response) that hasn’t fully exhaled yet.

 

One part of you wants your life back.

Another part is still bracing.

Still scanning.
Still holding.

You may not consciously notice it.

But your body does.

Your ribcage feels tight.
Your shoulders stay slightly lifted.
You hold your breath without realizing.

You say you’re “fine.”

But fine often means:

“I’m managing.”

And managing uses a lot of energy.

 

I Didn’t Understand This At First Either

 

 

After my double mastectomy, complete hysterectomy and 6 other reconstruction surgeries over a 2 year period...I thought:

“Okay. I handled it. Now I move forward.”

I had always been capable.
Disciplined.
Healthy.

The one who pushed through many hard seasons in life...

But finishing treatment didn’t feel like a fresh start.

It felt like someone had quietly unplugged me.

 

I knew what to do.

And yet…

I couldn’t access the energy.

I would say I was going for a walk… and not go.
Plan a healthy week… and not follow through.
Tell myself I just needed to “get it together.”

 

But what I didn’t understand then was this:

I was pressing the accelerator
with the parking brake still on.

Of course it felt heavy.
Of course it felt forced.
Of course it was exhausting.

 

The brake wasn’t weakness. It was protection.

My body had been through years (dare I say, decades) of stacked stress.
 

The divorce.
The car accident.
The herniated discs.
The losses.
The moving house time and time again.
The holding it all together.

 

So when treatment ended, my system didn’t say:

“Let’s go.”

It said:

“Finally… please stop.”

 

And stopping felt terrifying.

Because I had built my identity on being the strong one.

The capable one.

The one who doesn’t let people down.

Perhaps you're reading this and nodding along...I get it 🫶

 

You’re Not the Only One

I want to pause here and say this clearly:

The women inside Thrivership School are some of the most loving, responsible, high-capacity women you could meet.

They are not weak.

They are not lacking discipline.

And almost every one of them has said some version of:

“I feel like I’m letting people down.”
“I don’t want to be a burden.”
“They’ve already been through enough because of me.”
“I should be able to handle this.”

One woman became emotional simply talking about how hard it felt to say no.

Not because she didn’t need rest.

But because she didn’t want to disappoint anyone.

That’s the layer most survivorship plans never address.

It’s not that you don’t know what would help your energy.

It’s that you are still carrying everyone else.

Your family’s comfort.
Other people’s expectations.
The quiet pressure to prove you’re okay.

That constant holding?

That’s the parking brake.

And trying to add more discipline, more habits, more effort…

Is just pressing harder on the accelerator.

It creates friction.

Not freedom. Not ease. Not lasting health.

The First Step Back to Energy Isn’t What You Think

It’s not:

Drink more water.
Start exercising.
Go vegetarian.
Try harder.

→ It’s boundaries.

And I know.

Even reading that... might make your chest tighten.

Because boundaries can feel like:

Letting someone down.
Being selfish.
Being difficult.
Being a burden.

 

But what if a boundary isn’t rejection?

What if it’s reassurance?

What if saying:

“I can’t do that right now.”

Isn’t failing someone…

It’s finally choosing not to fail yourself?

 

Boundaries aren't walls.

They're welcome mats for your peace.

 

They are how you gently release the parking brake.

 

When your nervous system hears:

“You don’t have to hold everything for everyone on your own, any more.”

 

Energy begins to return.

Not because you forced it.

Because you stopped overriding yourself.

 

If This Feels Like You

 

 

If you appreciate you’ve made it through…
but quietly feel flat…

If you want your energy back
but can’t seem to access it…

 

You might not be lacking motivation.

You might be trying to drive with the parking brake still on.

 

And the first safest place to start…

Is learning how to release it.

Gently.

Without guilt.

Without burning your life down, or any kind of major overhaul.

 

A Gentle First Step

If boundaries feel hard for you… you’re not broken.

You were probably taught to be dependable.
To be strong.
To not make things harder for anyone else.

Of course this feels unfamiliar.

That’s why I created “7 Boundaries to Safeguard Your Energy.”

Not dramatic ultimatums or burning bridges.

Just small scripts.
Simple permission.
Ways to say no without shame.

 

 

→  You can download it here 

 

 

Start there.

Not from urgency.
From safety.

Because when your nervous system feels supported…

Energy doesn’t have to be forced.

It returns in its own time.

And that changes everything.

xoxo Karin

 

 

You may also find these blogs supportive: 

💛 Why Did I Get Sick?

💛 What Most Survivorship Plans Miss

💛  Still Tired After Breast Cancer? Here's Why...

 

 

🩷 Who am I?

Hey my friend 👋, I’m Karin Del Maestro, Certified Health Coach, breast cancer thriver, and the creator of Thrivership School—a trauma-informed group coaching program helping breast cancer survivors restore energy, rebuild identity, and reconnect with their bodies. Through science-backed rituals and heartfelt practices, I guide women to move from merely surviving to truly thriving, with ease, grace, and plenty of tea.🫖