I used to, and I certainly wish I knew then what I know now...but having said that, I would have missed the lessons I learned along the way. And each and every one of them, although often painful, have helped me become the woman I am today and also help me understand exactly what you're going through.
Have you ever had a friend ask for a favor and your inner voice has yelled and screamed "NOOOOOOO" but the word "Sure" comes out of your mouth instead? And then come all the negative self comments...
"Why did you say yes?"
"That was stupid!"
"I didn't want them to think I couldn't handle it"
"I just want them to like me"
When you've been stuck in this place for so long, it's almost impossible to think that life could be any different...but I'm here, as living proof, as are my clients, that you can do it differently. I'm not saying it's easy but you can and when you do, you'll never go back! This is how to start to make the shift to saying no AND not feeling guilty!!
Why do you have such a hard time saying no?
Who gets most of your time and attention right now?
You have to get clear on this before you can even begin to start setting boundaries and saying no. Write it down...make it real...show that you're serious about this.
Where would you like to prioritize your time and attention?
I'm hoping that you're on this list...and preferably at the top. Listen to my teapot analogy and you'll understand why.
Understand as you write this down...it's not written in stone. Flexibility is necessary in our lives, because, as you well know, life is forever changing. So even if you look at a month or two months at a time, that's OK.
How to actually say no!
Now that you know what's important to you and how you'd like to prioritize your time and energy...you now have the clarity, when someone wants to add more to your already overloaded plate or wants a favor, to ask yourself "does this take me closer to my priorities or away from them?". You see, you actually get to choose! You, my dear, have the power!!
I share 9 Polite Ways to Say No on the podcast, yep, the actual verbiage you can use... but in order to practice them regularly I highly recommend grabbing your cheat sheet 👇.
Download your 9 Polite Ways to Say No Cheat Sheet, you'll find it in your CRAZED TO CALM Starter Kit which includes: